ORIGIN mid 19th century:
from French altruisme, from Italian altrui ‘somebody else,’ from Latin alteri huic ‘to this other’.

I wanted to save myself, so I thought I’d save a lady. This biased altruism bears semblance to what I asked my prof one lecture. Is what Assange is doing an act of biased altruism? He is trying to do good in spite of all the restrictions, and now that he surfaced the truth to the world out, he is accused of violating the laws and what is proper. If so, how can altruism be so biased? How can measures be so poles apart, standards so deviated? How is it so hard to make a point on filthy truth, on rigged practice, on detrimental fall-out, on possible wrecked fortune?

But clearly I wasn’t to engage in that kind of discussion with this lady. One night in the lake she almost drowned herself, reaching her, I said you’re gorgeous, you’re gorgeous, she looked right up into my terrified eyes, she gave in. Her following steps were my granted intention, my ease. But for some bodyheat offered, some coldness rejects. Wheels off, sirens on, stretcher up, bedridden.

You’re gorgeous. Some philanthropic words said in such an honest manner. This man was like a terror, where every confusion bombarded, every bewilderment charmed. Are you sure? Glances were thrown and: you’re gorgeous, look at you. No I can’t look at myself, I can never do that, I’ve been thinking and contemplating and wanting with every ounce of my God-created limb to see myself in 360 degrees, but: I can’t. You’re gorgeous. Looking right up into the eyes of ice, some just gave in.

If kindness is worth so much in memories, why does it not defeat unkindness? Which part of our brain is gone unused – otherwise how would it fit a new memory, day after day after day, and still not losing any single dire recollection?

So how do we save ourselves? By saving other people too? What about the future, what happens in the future when within our altruistic actions we end up harming ourselves? Will that count too? Discarding transparent balaclavas, downloading carnivals on the most real of commission, lunching on some rapid kisses and sound snow jobs. All through the salvage of this lady, she who almost drowned herself.

To this other, you’re gorgeous, you’re gorgeous.

2011, 2013.


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